Sunday, December 11, 2005

BBC Sport Wardrobe Watch - Week 3

The odds were raised yet again this week when the great British public were treated to Gavin Peacock's 'Amazing technicalities Dream Shirt'. Unfortunatley the buttons were fully fastened and there was no sign of any schlong showcasing slacks but MOTD 2 is on later and the possibilities are endless. Adrian Chiles in a 'wet-look' posing pouch?

Thursday, December 08, 2005

The Armchair Ultra launches an astonishingly-furious-outraged-fuming-blast at the tabloids!!!

What a turn around eh? After the Chelsea Liverpool game last night Hamann suddenly perked up and 'blasted', 'stormed' and 'fumed' his way all over the tabloids. And this is despite his catatonic post-match interview on ITV's Champion's League coverage. Then it was all 'well that's football you know'. Now it's all rage and indignation. Or is it?..

As usual our lovely red-tops have been at it again, turning this disgruntled, yet relatively tame quote - "I really feared I might have broken my leg. It caught me just below the knee. The referee apparently did not see it so you have to get on with it" - into a declaration of war. Of course "Hamann ever so slightly peeved at Essien challenge" doesn't really grab you but at least it is nearer to the truth.

If every story is reported with such squealing sensationalism then where are they left to go when someone genuinely lets rip? What if Hamann had said he wanted to tear Essien's bollocks off and feed them to Carol Thatcher for vengeance? Would it be possible to conjure even more hyperbolic adjectives?

Unfortunately this is the hyper-reality in which the Sky-less, ticket-less football fan lives. We don't often see the game ourselves and aided by the likes of the tabloids we fill in the gaps. But everything is so heightened, so exaggerated. You could be excused for thinking that last night's match was the The Battle of Helms Deep but it was actually a dull snoreathon. Let's just hope Liverpool and Chelsea don't meet again in Europe any time soon or we will no doubt be treated to a whole weeks worth of 'Battle of Britain pt. 59' and 'Hamann seeks bloody revenge' headlines before another inevitably anti-climactic 0-0.